Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
