Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
