I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
