break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
