I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
