My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
