I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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