The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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