you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
