well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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