Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
