its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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