I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
