I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
