Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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