I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
