That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
