Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
