dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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