I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
