we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
