Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
