u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So squirting runs in the family.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
