Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
