I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
