I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
