can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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