I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
only you would photoshop your dick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
