vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
