Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
