I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
