she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
