dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
