Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
