i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
