I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
