Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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