never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
