My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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