Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Found your dick twin last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
