your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
