After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
