I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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