u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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