He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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