You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize