YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
