Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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