I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
