I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
