Non-Jews are for practice
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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