the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
