I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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