Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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