She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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