i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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