they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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