garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
