we're chasing vodka with high fives
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
