Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
