WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
