now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
